Saturday, October 15, 2005

Like an orange water drinking fountain...

On the train back home, something undoubtedly disgusting yet quite humourous happened.  Seeing it happen was disturbing, it's nothing to be proud of - in fact, it was a little worrying because what could happen as a consequence, but luckily there were her friends about to look after this unforutnate woman.

It was comfortable on the 12:38am Kings Cross to Bedford Thamelink train yesterday - free seats and commuters half asleep from a night out or working late.  It was pleasant with the usual quiet atmosphere that comes with late night travelling.  A group of three friends were sitting in the next set of seats, with me having the vantage point (if you could say that) of being able to see the rather drunk woman as she plopped down into her seat and began to doze off.  One guy seemed pretty knackered to, which the other seemed okay.  Now, it wasn't exactly a rough ride on the train - just the usual amount of to-and-froing and up-down movement, but I suspect that anything like it could be uncomfortable when you're not feeling too good.  And, I think, the woman was unconsciously feeling a slight tummy upset (to say the least).

I don't know if you want to read this rather graphic description, but what the hell.  It was serene and what happened next could never have been foreseen.  I was looking at the woman who had a dress that was decorated with fake spider web and spider, head tilted back slightly, silently sleeping.  Suddenly, and this is where one should consider this post's title for full effect, without any tell-tale signs the woman started to slowly gurgle out a steady stream of orange-coloured vomit.

Now, it wasn't a slow dribbly gurgle, but if you imagine (and I'm sure you've seen it before) one of those water-fountains that you can press and water spouts up and out, except remember the ones where there wasn't enough force and the water folds/falls back on itself to make that gloopy, lumpy, bubbly water effect.  Now colour that orange (like fizzy Tango, if you will), add a bit more weight the the liquid, imagine a spout somewhat larger than a fountain (say, mouth sized), and... well... yeah, you kinda get the picture now.

And it was like the water-fountain button was jammed for a couple of seconds, as it seemed to go on longer than it should have (maybe it was that folding/falling effect...) and flowed down onto her dress (presumably, I couldn't see).  Under-the-breath cries of "That's not right. That's just not right!" came from the male friend sitting next to the woman as he covered her up from prying eyes of those who may have seen the consequence of too much drink.  The other male friend tried to stop himself laughing out loudly yet failed to keep the sniggering within him as it made its infectious way to the former friend who had a wide smile on his face.

What happened next was astounding and so amazing that you wouldn't believe it unless you saw it yourself.  You do little things when you're asleep and you wouldn't know.  This woman, having spewed her evening's drinks, gently thumbed away any remanants of her liquidy innards off her chin, eye's still closed and not a frown on her face - in fact, there was a kind of calming smile from getting a bit of shut-eye.

I tried not to join in, but when you see someone stiffling a laugh caused by someone else, it's hard not to have a smile on your face.

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